GHOSTING:
Ghosting people seems to be growing in popularity. And it’s not a trick to be played at Halloween time!
How often have you been trying to talk with someone to discuss points and you never hear back from them, regardless of the methods you try.
What is it that people find it hard to reply to someone if they….
· Don’t want to go ahead with a proposal,
· Don’t want to say no,
· Don’t want to take up an offer,
· Don’t want to talk with the other party.
Is this an English thing, or is it something that has, or is, creeping in world-wide. I’m not sure for certain, as I am only dealing mainly with business owners in the U.K. However, let me say this, on most occasions when I am talking with a business owner from the U.S.A., they will invariably talk with me, or return my call.
What are the English scared of?
· Could it be you feel you may upset someone, and you don’t want to?
· Possibly, you don’t want to deliver some bad news to another party.
· Maybe you don’t want to deliver the ‘no.’
· Possibly you’re hoping the person who is contacting you will give up, which means you don’t have to interact with them.
· Maybe they have been hounding you for an answer, and you don’t want to talk with them.
· Could it be you don’t know what to say?
Ghosting has to stop because it is not only costing you money, it also shows a lack of integrity on your part. Be up front and have respect for the other person. Let them know your reasons for not wanting to go further with the conversation. This lets both parties know where they stand.
The reason it costs you money is because you have had messages left on your phone, or you have messages from your P.A. to contact the other person, and it takes up band-width on your part, and time away from the other more important tasks your P.A. could be completing.
Do the right thing – stop Ghosting.
A Story:
A prospective client (let’s call him Phil) asked me for a proposal recently to help him with his business. Having pondered on the solution that would be most beneficial to him, I rang Phil and let him know I had the solution he required, and I would send it out in the post. (Yes – snail mail – with a signature, and a handwritten P.S. at the end. This is the way I like to do business – it’s personal)
We agreed a time that I would ring him to get his thoughts and discuss the proposal. Guess what, on the agreed time and day, I never heard from him. Regardless of what I tried in the ensuing few days, Phil wouldn’t interact with me, by any form of communication or contact whatsoever.
So I thought I’d try something different.
I got into my car and drove to visit him personally. You should have seen the look of shock and horror on Phil’s face when I walked in the door. He started to stammer with excuses and reasons why he hadn’t got back to me. At this stage, I wanted him to keep his dignity intact, so I suggested we have a cup of coffee together (my treat). We went to a local café, and during the 5 – 10 minutes it took to get there, Phil was able to think about his actions.
Before he said anything, once we had our coffees, I let Phil know that I just wanted to talk with him, with no recriminations. He visibly relaxed, and the conversation went something like this.
“Pete, I want to apologise for not taking your calls. It’s just that I thought the fee for your proposal was too high, and I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Thanks for your honesty Phil. I appreciate that.”
Phil looked surprised, expecting me to berate him.
“Compared to what, do you think the fee for the proposal is too high? I asked Phil.
Phil pondered on this. “I don’t know,” he replied.
“Phil I now realise that my proposal has not shown you the value you are wanting or the benefits you’ll receive,” I said. “My apologies for that.” “Let me explain the benefits you will obtain and how you will recoup your money spent with me, within 5 months.
Phil leant forward and was a little intrigued. The discussion continued, and at the end of the meeting Phil asked, “Can I go ahead with the proposal please?”
I turned him down and said No!” Surprised Phil asked why?
“Phil, the first thing I want all my clients to have, is integrity. The ability to have those difficult conversations and not shirk from them, hoping they will go away. Before we work together I need to know 100% that this will be the last time you will ever ‘ghost’ me or anyone else. If we can come to this agreement then yes, we can do business together.”
This conversation happened about 4 years ago, and since then Phil has gone on to have a very successful business.
About a year later Phil came to me and told me this story.
“You know Pete, we had a conversation a few years ago now, about integrity and dealing with situations as they arise. Well I had a client who ‘ghosted’ me recently , and would not return my calls,” said Phil. “I remembered what you did to me so I went and personally visited him. He too, like me, was shocked to see me.
We went and had a coffee just like we did. And using your methods, I closed the sale. That face to face conversation we had about dealing with issues, and leaving them, hoping they just might disappear has helped me so much in business,” said Phil. “Thanks for teaching me about integrity and being true to myself,” said Phil.
Moral of the Story:
Go to the mirror and look at yourself. It is not everyone else’s judgement that counts but what I see in the mirror. This is the verdict that counts. He is the fellow to please. I’ve passed the most difficult test if the man in the glass is my friend. If I’ve fooled the world, I’ll still end up with tears, if I’ve cheated the man in the glass.
